Experiencing Tonnes of Scientific Difficulties

Oh yes, I am... To the point that the Big Guy here said, "I have to admit you are facing a lot of scientific problems. If I had know there would be so many of them, I wouldn't have lured you here in the first place."

Oh yes, I am facing tonnes of scientific difficulties and I know these problems are affecting my mood terribly. So much so that I feel tired whenever I'm in the labs. There is no motivation for me to continue other than to see things through and hope for the best. So much so that I have been going back later than usual the last few days (trying to make up for missing work on Thursday) that I missed Mass - the one thing that can lift my spirits right now.

I miss my kakis. The ones who can make me forget all my problems. The ones who love me no matter what. Not that the people here are not nice or anything. It's just that I know those kakis for such a long time now that we can share anything.

Coincidently, the Big Guy thinks I'm not socialising enough. lol... It's so unlike me to sit at the coffee table during those breaks and just talk. Given that all of them are Swedes and my limited knowledge and experience tells me that they will naturally converse in Swedish, is there a point for me to be there? All the exchange students I spoke to told me of the same problem. Fika is a chore simply because they cannot understand Swedish and have to sit there and smile. It's not like I don't want to know the people in the lab though.

But don't worry. My socialisation occurs outside of the lab. In Church. In the Catholic Students Group. In the International Bible Study Group.

I've met many many nice people. If I wasn't lured here, I wouldn't have a chance to meet all the wonderful people I've met so far. So even though work is not progressing as smoothly as I'd like, I'm still grateful I've had the chance to come. I certainly want to keep these people as friends.

Funnily enough, Boss emailed the two supervisors here - Big Guy and Lady J - and asked how I was doing. Interestingly enough, both of them didn't think of how I was doing work-wise but how I was coping in the social aspect. Lady J was especially worried that I spent all my time here working and not having fun at times. That's so sweet. They have such a balanced lifestyle that I absolutely adore. But I think Boss wanted to know how I was doing in my work. Oops...

I really can't tell what my mood is right now. On the one hand, the break did me good. I feel relaxed and the Easter Liturgy did lift my spirits. But when I'm at work, I feel depressed. My mood is like the weather.

It can be very cold in the mornings and at night (4 -5C) and very warm in the day and evenings (11-15C). How am I supposed to dress for such weather? I need a pretty thick jacket to walk to the bus stop in the mornings but in the evenings that same jacket is way too thick.

Anyway, my mood is somewhere between depressed and pleasant right now. I want to smile but I can't bring myself to do it. And at the same time, I'm not feeling that bad to the point that tears flow. I'm just numb...

Help me, please?